I know pain and loss, what it means to be lied to.
I have nothing. No one. I’m all alone. They took everything from me and want to take more. I did everything Gideon, Dante, William, and Mateo asked of me, and they failed.
The Society believes I can leave. They give me the chance that was taken from me, but I won’t give up. I will have justice for the ones I lost, which means I have to stay. I have to become part of The Society. I must give them everything in order to get what I want.
I wish I could blame the Saintly Devils. They turned my life upside down, but after I lost everything, they’re the ones who come to my rescue, making it so hard for me to walk away.
But this was never about me, this was about them, and all I can do is hope to be there to save them when the time comes.
No one betrays The Society. They are always watching and always prepared…
Sian had gotten under my skin and now there was no way to reach her. Every time she looked at me, I felt her judging me.
It didn’t fucking stop.
I kept expecting her to come right out and say it: You killed my best friend.
I took a deep breath and swigged my scotch. This was my fourth glass.
My father grabbed the glass out of my hand. “That is your limit.”
“Why do I have to have limits?” I asked.
“Do you think this is helping you to make the right decisions? It’s not. It’s messing with your head. You’re my son, buck the fuck up.”
“It’s easy for you to say. You’ve been living with your fuck-up for nineteen years.” I burst out laughing.
Other than my laughter, the silence in the room was somewhat deafening.
“Dude, not cool,” William said.
“What? Don’t you see history has a way of repeating itself? It looks like we’re the prime candidates.” I bent over, hand to stomach as I laughed. “I’m starting to think this is what The Society does. Picks out a girl that you rarely look at. You notice her but you don’t give her two thoughts, and then bam, you have no choice but to fuck her. She’s all part of the initiation process, and then once you’ve fallen for her, you’re going to do something that tears her from you. Break her a little bit so the person you once knew is a shell of who she was, and there is nothing you can do, even though you miss her. You had a small smidge of heaven with her, and then it is ripped from you. Is this what The Society does? Does it fuck with you like that?” I asked. My voice had gone from talking normally to yelling. “I don’t give a fuck if it makes me a man or not, but yeah, I fell for Sian. I fell for her hard.”
I hadn’t said the words because I just couldn’t. The moment I did, I felt like it was solidifying my pain and my future. I’d never be able to have Sian, nor would she belong to us.
I guessed I was well and truly fucked up. Most men couldn’t stand their woman being touched by another man, but I wanted to share her with my friends. Dante, William, and Mateo were the only ones I trusted with her.
“We all did,” William said.
In the last ten months, he’d lost all parts of his playfulness. Gone was the jokester. He was serious all the fucking time. I hated this.
“How did you let him get away with this?” I asked, turning toward my dad. “How could you not see what he was like?”
“None of us did, and we were given rules,” he said.
“Fuck the rules. Haven’t you seen how the rules play out? Joan is gone. He’s got her, and from what Sian tells us, he’s been hurting them for years.”
“Son, I suggest you step outside and take some air before I forget you’re my son.”
This made me laugh. “Your son I may be, but it’s with the wrong woman, right? Kind of a shock that you’ve got four daughters as well.”
The hit was expected. I wanted it. The blow to the face made it easier. The pain was a new focal point. I could think a little more clearly. I expected my dad to hit me again, but Harrison had stepped in and held him back.
Dante helped me to my feet, and within seconds, I was out in the garden. Blood came from my mouth, and I spat it on the ground.
“Get the fuck off me.” I shoved Dante off.
“So this is how it’s going to be? Are you trying to fuck everything up?” Dante asked.
“Why are we even talking with them?” I asked, whirling around. William and Mateo had joined us outside.
None of my friends looked happy. “What? You got shit you want to say to me?”
“This isn’t about you,” William said.
“I didn’t say it was.”
“You’re hurting,” Mateo said.
“Fuck you.” I wanted them to hit me. The pain my dad had inflicted had been a welcome relief. I stared at each of my friends. “None of you felt her. The tightness of her pussy, how it popped under my stiff cock.”
Dante sighed. “And here comes the prick. It’s always about you, isn’t it, Gideon?”
“In case you didn’t see, I’m the leader of the pack.”
I saw their hands clench into fists, but none of them attacked me.
They knew me well and were refusing to give me what I wanted.
“None of you will know how good it felt for her to come for me,” I said.
Dante ran a hand down his face. “Go on. If this is what you want. Keep on saying the words that are going to guarantee our friendship is over. We’ll still be tightly bound together, but with a little help, maybe you can fuck it up completely.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to say more, but I just couldn’t. I had to hold back. Did I want to lose them as friends? They were my brothers. I loved them and would die for them.
Silence rang out loud and clear.
After falling to the ground, I drew my knees up against my chest with a sigh.
“I miss her,” I said. “There’s nothing I can do to bring her back, and that’s all I want to do.”